Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
