the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize