I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
