i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
