i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
