one two three fourrrrnication!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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