Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
