I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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