i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize