epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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