My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
