why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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