last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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