Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
