She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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