Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
