Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
