It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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