I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
