Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
