i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
