Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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