yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
