i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize