I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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