Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
