Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
