this beer tastes like vomit already
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
