I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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