I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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