Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
