D3 body, D1 cock
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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