I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
