dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
