dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
