One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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