Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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