M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize