Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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