did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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