hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
