Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize