I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
