so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
