This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
