The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm both gender and math confused
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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