Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
