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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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