My room smells like vodka and shame
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
