I think my fart just growled at me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
