Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
