I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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