they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
