my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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