So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
