I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
