I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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