id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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