i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
