its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
