smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
