new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
