y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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