Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
