He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
