maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
