Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
