She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
