you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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