i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
