Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
