U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
