I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
