the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
