did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
